I can never do enough. I can never be a good enough employee. I can never work hard enough I can never be organised enough I can never teach well enough Never quite convey my points well enough I'm never creative enough Never convincing enough Authentic enough Inspiring enough I can never do enough. I … Continue reading We can never do enough.
In the early days of this blog – just one day, in fact, before I was assessed for, and received, my official diagnosis – I wrote a post about how I considered myself to be not an introvert but an "autistic extrovert". I now realise that I was mistaken. I've been meaning to write about … Continue reading So it turns out that I was never an extrovert after all…
This morning, I walked to work, as usual. The weather, the subject of so much small talk on the at times beautiful but still beleaguered isle I call home, was sleety. Wet. Grey. Cold-but-not-that-cold. And yet, on cars, gardens, and rooftops, there were the still remnants of a light coverage of real snow from the night before. And the … Continue reading Can you ever tell?
Eight years ago, a long time before I was officially diagnosed as autistic, I was a mature student studying full-time for a Masters degree. One of the best years of my life – a year of total immersion in learning, with minimal worldly distractions. A time of luxury, in many ways. This meant, of course, … Continue reading Inclusion: getting on with “just learning”
This blog isn't an "autism parent" blog. I use this site as a place for my own catharsis, and for information- and experience-sharing. Nevertheless, I am a parent, and that part of who I am will, at times, feed into what I think and feel, and, thus, what I write about. I am also an … Continue reading Another like me?
I am drawn to the colour green. It's an additional nutrient my body needs to stay alive. I grew up in a village, surrounded by trees, fields, winding country paths, and gently rolling hills. My childhood was in many ways far from idyllic – as an undiagnosed autistic girl it was hardly ever going to … Continue reading Mesmerising nature
It was only very recently that it occurred to me: I rarely look people directly in the eyes. Coming from a 36-year-old autistic person, that probably sounds preposterous. Autistic people are known for not making eye contact, aren't we? And surely I'd have noticed such a major behavioural trait in myself? I mean, yes, my … Continue reading Why I “can’t possibly be Autistic”, Reason #2: eye to eye?
My life has been one filled with envy. Envy at the other children in the playground who weren't constantly 'it' during games of tag because they couldn't keep up with the rest. Envy at the girls who all the boys fancied at school, and those who were graceful, elegant, whilst I tripped over my own … Continue reading I must stop comparing myself to others.
For the most part, I am happy to think of myself not as disabled or disordered, but simply different. And then sometimes, it hits me. I see that much of what I have achieved and overcome throughout my life has been a direct result of being autistic, because it is such an intrinsic part of … Continue reading And then sometimes, it hits me.