I've had a lifelong relationship with stimming. And for so much of my life, I've tried to stop. Why did I do that to myself? I'm such a stimmy autistic. I'm more noticeably stimmy than many autistics I know - to the extent that other autistics comment on just how stimmy I am. I think … Continue reading Give in to the stim.
The other day, someone on Twitter - an autistic person who doesn't experience them - asked me what it feels like to have a meltdown. It’s not a subject I especially like talking about - I’ve attempted to write about it several times on this blog, got frustrated, and given up. This past week, I … Continue reading On meltdowns
We're nearly at the mid-point in January 2018, and I'm only just now writing my first post of the year. I didn't even do an end-of-year retrospective to see out 2017. Initially, I was reluctant to do so because the final few months felt so negative. My anxiety and stress levels during Autumn and early … Continue reading Connecting
I'm a little sporadic with my blog posts at the moment. Things have been busy. We're approaching Christmas, it's the end of a long and very difficult term at work, the kids are full-on, I'm tired, and whatnot. And the truth is, the past few months have been somewhat dark. That happens sometimes. But something … Continue reading And now I draw in colour.
Less than a fortnight ago, I wrote about being "rigid". I explained about my need for schedules, plans, and organisational strategies. My need to prepare, and my alarm and anxiety in the face of uncertainty and ambiguity. It's there in my pre-assessment mapping to the DSM-V guidelines, under my response to Criterion B2, exemplified by: … Continue reading Are we REALLY that inflexible?
Over a decade ago, when I was working as a low-level administrator in a university student support unit, I remember a student who was a regular and frequent visitor to our service. He came in virtually every day. He spoke in a staccato, "mechanical"-sounding voice. He always wore the same choice of clothing: blue outdoor … Continue reading Why I “can’t possibly be Autistic”, Reason #3: I’m not THAT rigid, right?
I've been something of a performer all my life. At primary school, it was drama. I never got to be the heroine or the pretty princess, but that didn't bother me (mostly). Gleeful, gorgeous, grotesque riches were bestowed upon me in the form of 'character' parts: witches, ghosts, and anyone requiring an accent. I got … Continue reading Performance
I talk to myself. An awful lot. When I do this, I'm almost invariably verbalising my thinking about, and processing of, the thing I'm doing at that particular moment. This isn't the same as the inner monologue that runs incessantly over everything that I do; the one I hear at every waking moment, but which … Continue reading Director’s Commentary
I often struggle to translate my thoughts into either speech or the written word. Sometimes I lack the particular executive functioning powers required to organise and synthesise what's in my mind, to present it to an external audience. At other times, the very fact that I have set myself the task of writing means that … Continue reading Lost for words
Before April came around, I'd been mentally conjuring up my plans for activism, amplification, signal boosting, the promotion of acceptance, and whatnot. As it happens, events have conspired against me, and I haven't been as active in railing positively against the "awareness industry" (as fantastic new blogger Little Sparrow puts it) as I'd hoped to be. … Continue reading #AutismAppreciation: 7 things that make me a valuable employee