I've had a lifelong relationship with stimming. And for so much of my life, I've tried to stop. Why did I do that to myself? I'm such a stimmy autistic. I'm more noticeably stimmy than many autistics I know - to the extent that other autistics comment on just how stimmy I am. I think … Continue reading Give in to the stim.
The other day, someone on Twitter - an autistic person who doesn't experience them - asked me what it feels like to have a meltdown. It’s not a subject I especially like talking about - I’ve attempted to write about it several times on this blog, got frustrated, and given up. This past week, I … Continue reading On meltdowns
Nothing makes me a more committed proponent of the Social Model of Disability than modern lighting. I am far more disabled, as an autistic person, than I once was. I'm far less tolerant of sensory triggers than I once was. Noise and bright lights are the things that get me more than anything, and more … Continue reading Modern lighting is rubbish.
I'm glad that my daughter and I have resurrected our living room discos. When I was pregnant with her brother, we stopped. And for a long while afterwards we didn't do it. But over the past few months, even as my mood has gradually darkened, we've been dancing again. And tonight, I dance with sweet abandon. The physicality is all. My very being craves it. And afterward, I feel replenished, nourished, and full of love.
Wearing sunglasses helps me cope with noise. And yes, I do mean noise in an auditory sense. But this doesn't have anything to do with synaesthesia which, to the extent I've analysed myself and my perceptions of the world so far, is not something that I experience. Over time since my diagnosis, I've reflected and reflected … Continue reading I wear sunglasses to deal with the noise.
[Author's note: I'm publishing this post almost simultaneously with a previous one because I had both stored up as drafts in my paper notebook, but hadn't had sufficient "get-up-and-go" to publish them until now. This is the more recent of the two.. However, I felt that the other post was sufficiently time-specific to need publishing … Continue reading It’s never all bad.
[Author's note: I'm publishing this post almost simultaneously with a subsequent one because I had both stored up as drafts in my paper notebook, but hadn't had sufficient "get-up-and-go" to publish them until now. This was written a few days ago, and it doesn't quite fit my current mood – the accompanying post does. However, … Continue reading Picture this.
I talk to myself. An awful lot. When I do this, I'm almost invariably verbalising my thinking about, and processing of, the thing I'm doing at that particular moment. This isn't the same as the inner monologue that runs incessantly over everything that I do; the one I hear at every waking moment, but which … Continue reading Director’s Commentary
The other day, I was attending another SEED workshop. This time, the focus was on disability and social class (we'd already delved deep into race, gender and sexuality), and I was super-keen, as always, to get into the discussion. I felt I had plenty to say on this particular subject, and plenty I hoped to learn … Continue reading We need to stop apologising.
I have a bruise on the ring finger of my right hand. And it's all my fault. Or is it? The morning rush after a terrible night's sleep. My daughter has a cold. She was up for much of the night coughing. And I was up with her – feeding her medicine, wiping her nose, … Continue reading Fallout